Sacred Cods and Holy Mackerals


Jon minus Kate = ? (update – show on hiatus!)
June 23, 2009, 11:08 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

This just in: TLC has put the show on hiatus. Not because of the divorce. But because they dont have enough fresh footage to air new episodes. Nice.

Congratulations to Pearl Jensen of Sioux Falls, Iowa for correctly guessing last night’s big announcement: the kids got Crooked Houses!

One thing I admire about Jon & Kate is their total openness and willingness to shill for whatever theme park/hotel/resort/playhouse provider is willing to give them free stuff. Unlike other shows where the product placement is more subtle, Jon & Kate leave no doubt as to where they are, what they’re doing, and have always been quick to give a big plug. You could play a drinking game with how many times the name of the theme park/hotel/resort/playhouse provider is mentioned during the episode. That’s some good ‘ol American honesty there.

As for the big news, what can really be said? It’s not a surprise. It’s been the world’s worst kept secret. Frankly I’m more surprised they didn’t film as they told the kids. Now THAT would have brought some ratings!

Personally, I think the reason Kate has become such a villan is because Jon comes off as nice guy and a good Dad. Normally when we see naggy wives on television, we excuse the naggy-ness due to the fact the husband is typically portrayed as little more than an oversized children who will sell the house as part of some crazy plot with the whacky next-door neighbor the second the wife turns her back. Seriously, how is Kate any different than Ray Romano’s wife on Everybody Loves Raymond?

The difference is that on Jon & Kate, Jon isn’t that bumbling, oafish husband. He’s a decent guy who tried hard, but could never seem to adjust or anticipate his wives rules, whims, and needs.  And that small difference is what makes Kate look so nasty, even though I would bet there are millions of husbands out there who want to shake Jon’s hand and say “Congratulations.” 

I did laugh when Kate said she still wasn’t sure what she had done to make Jon so angry at her. No, seriously. She doesn’t know. And now Jon is too bitter to even try to explain to her that 10 years of criticism, nagging and emasacalation can lead to feelings of hostility that not even 8 kids and millions of dollars can overcome.

Maybe that can be the ultimate lesson learned by all the wives out there. Nagging does not lead to better husbands. It leads to bitter, ground-down husbands that eventually don’t resemble the “man” they married.



Jon & Kate’s special announcement
June 22, 2009, 9:17 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

What do YOU think it is?

Are they divorcing? Are they “separating?” Are they temporarily pulling the plug on the show to “work things out?” Is Kate pregnant with triplets?

I think they will announce the Jon & Kate: The Musical, with songs and lyrics by Elton John and Tim Rice.

Guess the right answer and you’ll win a special prize!*

*Offer not valid in the United States or any country with a vowel in the name.



Fall River/New Bedford line, mounted patrols, Enchanted Village
June 19, 2009, 9:41 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Over at Blue Mass Group I have posted some additional tidbits on the  transportation reform bill that you won’t find anywhere else. Supporters and opponents of the Fall River/New Bedford line may be interested in one nugget in particular: that the bill will make it harder for the state to build projects it knows it can’t afford to operate and maintain.

And, as of right now, the state CANNOT afford to build, operate and maintain the Fall River/New Bedford line.

That is not a commentary on the worthiness of the project, more a statement of realism.

I will comment on the worthiness of the City of Boston’s mounted patrols, however. It’s a tough issue. I think mounted patrols are one of those neat things that can be helpful and always makes people smile. Nothing sends someone back in time faster like hearing the clomp-clomp of horseshoes on a cobbled street. But I don’t know if the historic charm justifies preserving the patrol at a time when the city is laying off workers.

I do, however, feel very strongly that the city should do a “Last Ride” from the stables in JP to Downtown Boston. It would make for a great procession and I bet thousands of kids and families would turn out to see it. Maybe it can be included as part of the City’s July 4th festivities?

Finally, nothing in this world makes more sense that Jordan’s Furniture purchasing the Enchanted Village display. They have the money for the reapir and the space to set it up. Plus, I have to give Eliot Tatleman credit for at least admitting that this is a promotions ploy designed to get people to come and walk through their store:

“The only catch for Jordan’s,’’ Tatelman said, “is that you are just going to have to walk through a lot of furniture to get to it.’’



Jon & Kate divorce announcement?
June 18, 2009, 4:12 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It appears Jon & Kate are headed towards Splitsville. Unless this television promo was designed to mislead the public, and stir up ratings, but come on, how often does that happen?

You know something is up when a TV promo starts with “On a very special…” Sometimes Alex P. Keaton is forced to deal with an amphetamine addiction, and sometimes the parents of 8 young children announce their divorce.

Either way, I wish I could buy stock in things like “10 million people are going to watch this episode Monday night.” 

 By the way, did we ever find out exactly where Splitsville is located? If I has to guess I’d say it’s in central Pennsylvania just north of Palookaville.



Record day!
June 18, 2009, 7:22 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Thank you for making yesterday by far the most-read day in Sacred Cods history!

I’m glad a political blog can lure people in with continued coverage of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 drama.

To reward you, the reader, here is a very special picture of Kate from high school…

photo stolen from usmagazine.com

photo stolen from usmagazine.com


BREAKING NEWS! Kate caught brutalizing her kids!!
June 17, 2009, 11:55 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Well, maybe brutalize isn’t the right word. But she did spank one. Thankfully it was all caught on film by people standing hundreds of yards away using telescopic lenses, who then called the police to report this thuggery and then snapped away when police responded to confront this maniac mother.

InTouch is all over the latest scandal, dedicating several pages to the vicious assault perpetrated at the hands of an out-of-control woman who clearly hates her children. Why else would she do something that only 90% of parents in the country say they have done?

Thankfully, InTouch has talked with a number of specialists who have never met Kate or her children so we can proprerly understand “the debate over whether her children are safe!”



Bunker Hill Day links! (Jon & Kate, Weird Al, and Ghostbusters)
June 17, 2009, 8:50 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Well, it’s Bunker Hill Day so if you’re reading this it means one of two things:

a) you have a private sector job and are bored and looking for anything to take your mind of the slowly moving clock hands, or:

2) You’re a state employee who has pissed off your boss and the term “skeleton crew” means you, in the office, by yourself, with your iPod and Dunkin’ Donuts Coolatta.

Either way, you could probably use a fun few links to whittle away the hours. And I’m just what the doctor ordered.

1) It wouldn’t be a Sacred Cods blog posting without a Jon and Kate link. This is a compilation of the history behind Kate Gosselin’s hair-do. I’ve seen it alternately described as “neo-punk” and a “rabid opossum.” And just so I lure in more google/bing hits I’m going to type the following search terms: Jon & Kate, affair, divorce, news, Aeden, cheat.

2) Hulu.com — Most of you already are familiar with Hulu, but if you are not, this will easily help you eat away 4-5 hours of your day. Remember in the early days of VCRs when youd record your favorite shows so you could enjoy them again later? Well this is your home VCR collection times a million squared by awesomeness.

3) The Weird One is back with an homage to The Doors, courtesy of Ray Manzarek on keyboards. I don’t know who in Al’s band has the musical ear, but these non-parody style homages he does are so amazingly dead-on. This song literally is an amalgamation of four or five different Doors songs.

4)  Here’s a great resource on movie box office records. For example, did you know that although Titantic has taken in the most cash, if you adjust for inflation, Gone With the Wind is the all-time box office champ, followed by Star Wars and The Sound of Music? Did you know My Big Fat Greek Wedding made $240 million but never was the #1 movie of the week? And did you know 1984 may have been the greatest year for movies of all time? (Beverly Hills Cop, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones/Temple of Doom, Gremlins, Karate Kid make up the Top 5, followed not in order by Footloose, The Natural, Police Academy, Splash, Purple Rain, Amadeus, Red Dawn, Terminator, Killing Fields, A Nightmare on Main Street AND Muppets Take Manhattan. Wow!)

More later perhaps?